I haven’t written in a few days, as I was having the blahs. To me anyway, the blahs are an empty feeling, just numb. Whereas the blues, can have a topic or not, but it is definitely sad. Why did I have the blahs? I don’t know… because I am human? Maybe some of it was that I realized my last blog went somewhat off topic, more a “preaching” on being kind, than inspirational or narrative of a particular experience.
So… this is Sunday, I woke 2 hours before my alarm went off. I REALLY needed to go to church. Yes, I had prayed often the few days prior, asking God to guide me to do what he has planned for me. I am still here; I keep asking; I keep attempting different things; Yet I feel I have not gotten a clear answer. Maybe I won’t, but today’s songs at church seemed specifically pointed at me, although I know I am not alone in this situation, and many ask the same question of God, repeatedly, but it just hit the spot. The words were essentially “God take all of me… I want to do as you wish.” I obviously paraphrase, as my short-term memory is quite hampered.
Anyway, there I was, I sit while others stand in the beginning, as my back somewhat yells at me, and I figure God understands. But as I sung, deep from my heart, the words echoing my sentiment, especially of the last few days, and tears were rolling down my face, my friend bent down to hug me and tell me she loved me, and I her. They were not sad tears, but tears of being touched by God and blessed with this friendship, this church, and this day. I am not alone; God is with me; I need to keep digging deeper; I will know what I want to know when I am supposed to know; Until then I will live as closely as I can to what I believe God would want me to do. For now, it is to spread my experiences, and the fulfillment of faith in this journey. And to do everything I can do, to the best of my ability and in an unselfish, loving, giving way. I stray, as we all do, but I know, above all I must focus on that. My life, my journey, and my faith are His.
I do not have an answer to my question of purpose, but I have some peace. I am no longer empty, but feel God’s love throughout my being. I also know it does not stop there; There is no end; I must live each day to the fullest; Thank God for all of my blessings; and Continue to pray for guidance… at all times.
Thank you God for vanishing my blahs.